Ask and You Shall Receive
I’ve come to realize that during my motherhood journey, it’s taking me some time to find out how best to support myself as a mom and for my family. The rhythms, the formula for work and how you create support, resources and help for yourself in assembling a village takes time. There are several things that I wish I had known with my first and second about mental health. For “mom” there are ways to create systems and support so that you’re set up for a more smooth experience. I recognize it’s wildly not common to know what you’ll need before getting to the other side once you have your small little bundle of joy.
So now, as our family welcomes our third child, I was intentionally thinking about ways to support myself and my family to create a bit more ease as we go through our transition together as a family. A few of the areas that were in my blindspot with my first and second were my own mental health and being able to handle the sleep deprivation in those early weeks and months. It’s not only a lot on mom… your family is also adjusting to how it affects them as well. So in thinking about that, I wanted to see how I could align with a postpartum doula that could get us off to a good start. Some of my criteria that was important to me.
Doula in Training (someone that is excited about this field and obtaining her certification and hours and building her business)
Experienced with being a mom herself
Empathetic, patient, mom-centered
Someone to help with the emotional side, light housekeeping, light cooking, support with my middle child and aligned with assisting us to create smooth start
As a life coach and now a mom of three, I am fully aware that calling in your support team and asking for help is also so critical and necessary for your foundational experience as a mom. It affects how you show up and continue to thrive individually and in your family. So this time around, I’ve made quite the effort in networking and looking for resources and ways that could help me in my postpartum experience.
I began informally building relationships with doulas and doula agencies to learn a bit more about their process and certification. I stumbled upon a few and asked if there were doulas in training that may be available to work with families while building their certification and hours. I came across Relief Parenting where Krista trains doulas in the field. They reached out to their network of doulas and was able to align Doula Lisa with me and it couldn’t have been a better fit.
Doula Lisa has been working with us this past month and we’re so happy that the stars aligned to find her. She is first and foremost a seasoned mom of three daughters, a former pre-school teacher with an accomplished background working in early education and has completed her DONA training and CPR certification as well.
As new moms or seasoned moms, it can be hard to “ask for help” or try to assemble a village that makes sense for your needs but I can’t emphasize enough how much asking for help and delegating helps you to be successful as a mom. “Doing it all” leads to burnout and is not the most efficient or joyful way to continue on your motherhood journey, especially in the 4th trimester when you are healing and recovering. Most women try to assemble some help once their newborn comes that may be family and friends but those relationships often come with layered emotions of “visits” and certain expectations that may not be fulfilled and you have to implement boundaries during a vulnerable time. With a postpartum doula, their efforts and work is by design to support “mom”. With this in mind, your healing and recovery begins without worrying about the relationship with mom, sister or in-laws. And, not everyone has the luxury to outsource or bring in supports but I will say that, there are ways to get creative and I’ve found even in this pandemic, we are being asked to support our neighbors, our fellow moms and others that are trying to make things work in their lives.
I’m so thrilled that Doula Lisa and I are partnered together to support each other and our businesses that both support moms. I felt so confident that Lisa’s expertise and support would provide evidence based practices to help us on our way and she has all the experience of raising three daughters and working in early childhood education that is an additional asset and added bonus for our family.
So if you’re finding you are a first time mom or even a seasoned mom, I highly recommend that you consider putting some more thought into your fourth trimester and how to support yourself in a way that really nourishes you, your recovery and healing. Not all of us get it right the first or the second time. For me, the third time worked like a charm. The motherhood experiences evolves for each of us and with each child, it prepares us for how we mold, shape and direct our next chapter in our daily life, purpose, or how we want to craft our lifestyle. I’m so grateful that I chose to receive support and resources and happy to share with a bit of planning and foresight, it’s serving me really well during the early weeks home with a newborn. I no longer have that feeling of being in “struggle” or “hot mess” mode. I chose differently. I wanted to feel more anchored, more supported, and the universe delivered.
How did this land for you mamma?
If you’re growing your family or finding yourself at a similar juncture of wanting to create more support and daily rhythms for you and your family, reach out to me for 1-1 Coaching. I’d love to help you on your path!
Stay well mammas!
