What it looks like for a #workingmom to prioritize getting out of house?
There is a specific pain point that I see among many #workingmoms and it’s mostly from ones that I see in dual income homes with their partners. As we know, working full time and raising a young family takes much of our physical, mental, and emotional capacity and when the going gets busy, you can be completely enveloped in an 8 hour work day, packing lunches, assembling the week, doing laundry, cleaning, bedtime routines…the list goes on.
It’s easy as #workingmom to watch all the ‘self care’ measures or any time for yourself go out the window once young kids come along. Even after one child and you get into a rhythm, there are so many phases and stages, you might have done it in the beginning and then maybe he/she is eighteen months or a toddler and you’re running non stop forgetting about your own needs. Or, maybe your spouse took a promotion or is traveling more. Or maybe you’re in your head about it. Or maybe you are completely exhausted all the time that you don’t even feel like putting in the effort or energy to planning something.
Does any of this sound like you or in common?
Much of this is our mindset, some of it is our schedule, and a lot of it too is kids under five years old have a lot of needs. You may feel spread thin because there is constantly something to do to help them and what they need. But, what you also can’t see because you’re tending to it all the time is that there really hasn’t been much of an effort to pour into mom. To create a bit of space to see how it can be simple as this. 1, 2, 3. Check out the example below of how your partner executes going out with a friend.
Spouse:
Partner calls friend.
Partner schedules a PTO day.
Partner goes skiing.
Partner packs bag and goes for a ski day and returns home.
#Workingmom
Gets up every morning with the kids without taking any time for herself.
Is resentful about partner going out with a friend
Thinks and wishes she can go out with a friend or do something.
Is feeling completely and utterly exhausted.
Looks at dinner time routine, pump parts and crying kids wondering how she will even be able to go out from 5-7 pm for a dinner because of all the effort to cook dinner and set everything up for spouse.
Doesn’t remember the last time she went to an appointment or did something that brought her joy.
Wants to work out but doesn’t know where in her schedule she can fit it.
5 pm rolls around and she feels exhausted.
Rinse, repeat and same story.
This “story” in our heads and the resentment that builds is because most working parents feel challenged to find a way to incorporate ways to “share the load”, delegate, outsource, or just get up and go. In order for us to prioritize how we want to live, show up and feel better, we have to get out of our own way. If this is challenging for you, I encourage you to start small so you can begin to try it out. I guarantee that the house will probably still be there and the tears may be temporary with your kids, but you need to find a way to start to implement some ways to take care of yourself and release some of the reasons and excuses that it can’t happen.
Clearly, #workingmoms feel a sense of guilt, obligation and barriers in their way to be able to execute doing something for themselves but if we look at this objectively (without gender even), the goal is to make it happen. Find the thing you want to do and do it. We need to begin to normalize the importance of working moms paying attention to their own needs so it’s not like climbing a mountain to achieve going to a doctors appointment, getting a massage or getting together with a friend. It’s as important as being a productive employee or being a top notch parent in helping them read and keep track of all their assignments at school. You matter too!
There’s a big mindset shift when you try to come above the muddled and very busy life to see what steps it takes to practice the exercise of getting out of your own way and begin exercising the muscle of DOING IT! It’s not to say that all the things you’re thinking about, doing, and accomplishing with your partner aren’t happening. I just am highlighting that those things aren’t going to change so there needs to be a shift in how and the mechanics of shifting your mindset to start to do things for yourself despite all the high needs that your kids have.
Does any of this resonate with you? We’re almost at the end of January…
There’s time to shift and change as we move into 2022. It’s creating small steps to get you there. The house won’t burn down. There may be some tears from your kids, but the long term effects of you having your needs met is worth it?
How are you prioritizing yourself this week?
Stay well xo
Christine
